Hopes and Fears

Moving to Alaska is certainly going to be a big, massive, gi-gundo change. Those who know me well know that I find change unsettling. And yet, I am feeling rather optimistic about this change. Certainly I am feeling sad and fearful of the unknown, but even more so, I am feeling hopeful of all the new opportunities the move will offer me. Here's a list of my Hopes and Fears.

What I am DREADING:
1. The challenge of making new friends. I have never really been good at making friends. It takes a long time and even then, I don't know how to really do it right. Mostly people think I'm weird. That gets old after a while, and being from NH, I'm worried I will be even more different up in Alaska.

2. The Lack of Light. On the winter solstice, the sun rises at 10 and sets at 2. I already suffer from seasonal depression, and I am TERRIFIED that I will not be able to adjust to this light. I'm afraid I'll crawl into bed and won't be seen for six months.

3. Being Far from my Family. When I made the decision to leave NYC and move back to NH, it was because (among other reasons) I felt I needed to be with family. I have never regretted that decision, six years later. My family has been such an enormous part of my life here. I will be so far away that we will have to be exact in our Skype times so that people are out of work in NH but we are not in bed in Alaska!

What I am Hoping for:
1. A Return to the Outdoor Lifestyle. Since Lee and I moved to Dover, we have abandoned our outdoorsy habits. Before, we spent most of our free time outside, whether on the river, taking walks in the woods, climbing, what have you. Dover isn't conducive to that lifestyle. I hope it won't be too cold this winter and we will be able to spend much of our free time outside, cross country skiing, snowshoeing, even taking walks in the woods.

2. Weight Loss: not being active has lead to fatness. I hope to lose the fatness by (see above).

3. A Chance to Write. More than anything, I want to be a children's book author. I want to be a writer. Currently I don't have a job and, while this is scary, I'm looking at it as an opportunity to pursue a writing career.

4. Fairbanks will feel like Rangeley, ME. This weekend we went up to Rangeley for a visit. As we drove past the Height of Land, I burst into tears. Something about that place, the feeling of being so high up, looking over something so spectacular, seeing no boats or houses, it's a breathtaking thing. I hope I can find that feeling in Alaska.